A Good Mother

Yesterday, I was thinking about Mother's Day and I decided to ask my Mother questions on being a mother. I enjoyed her answers and hope you do, too!

Why did you choose to be with my father?

As Mother's Day approaches, I can't help but stop and reflect about what it means to me. Of course, I can't begin to think about motherhood without thinking first of your dad.

I remember the night that I got to know him and still kind of get giddy thinking about it. Aunt Sheryl and Uncle Tommy were getting married and we gave them a Hawaiian Luau shower. Your dad was a longtime friend of Uncle Tommy’s, but I had never known him. It was a great evening and your dad and I spent hours dancing and doing the limbo, even though we were both with other dates. (Who would have known we’d still be dancing after 35 years). I was intrigued by his beautiful blue eyes, and he was intrigued by my long blonde hair. We certainly did our share of flirting that night. Time passed and our dating life went different directions. After a pretty bad break-up, I told Aunt Gayle one night that I wished that I could date that Danny Bentley. She asked if I was serious and called Uncle Tommy. He in turn called your dad and arranged for us to go to a fish fry at Mr. and Mrs. Farr’s house. Your dad says that he hung up the phone after talking to Uncle Tommy and thought to himself, “That’s the girl I’m going to marry!” I wasn’t that sure in the beginning, but knew that I had never met anyone who made me feel the way he did. I think the thing I loved most about him was his love for God. Everything we did was centered on church events and we spent countless hours talking about what God meant to us. Your dad was a confirmed bachelor at the ripe old age of 26. People didn’t normally marry that late in life in those days. I really won the prize and we married when I was 21.



How did our family begin?

The first year was quite trying. He was an only child and used to being a loner. As you know, I love people and always wanted to be on the go. He didn’t express his love verbally and I needed to hear it constantly. We worked hard on making it work; however, it wasn’t easy. For four and a half years we did exactly what we wanted. We had a blast! We lived in a single wide trailer that was right behind where our house is today. We decided to build a house and had a wonderful time looking at house plans and finally chose the ‘perfect’ one for us. As soon as we started the house, I found out that I was expecting! WOW! The timing wasn’t exactly what we had in mind, but God in his infinite wisdom had other plans for us. Your dad’s idea of a perfect family was mom, dad, and one child---mine was mom, dad, and at least six children! Needless to say, we had many long discussions about this difference of opinion.
After Matt was born, our whole world changed! I remember the night he was born and how your dad went downstairs in the hospital chapel, got down on his knees, and gave him immediately back to God. The next night, he played a softball game-yes; I’ve always had to put up with ball, ball, and more ball. He hit three homeruns in that game and said that he did it for ‘his boy’! Matt was our delight! I had intended to go back to teaching in the fall, but just couldn’t leave my precious little one. Dad was farming and we really needed for me to work-so we thought. Once again, God had a different plan for us!
About two years later, Katie came into our lives. I was so happy to have a son, but really wanted a little girl to make things perfect. Remember, I was pushing my luck to get to have another baby! Katie and I almost didn’t make it. As they wheeled me into surgery, I started to fall to pieces because I wanted your dad there with me. At that time, husbands were not allowed to be present during c-sections. The doctors lied to me and told me that he was behind the line. I tried my hardest to find him, but couldn’t. Later the doctors apologized for having to be untruthful. In reality, the line they told me he was behind was the one that went into the hallway. Thank goodness Katie and I made it fine! Once again, we prayed, gave Katie back to God, and dedicated ourselves to trying to be the best parents possible. Matt was a wonderful big brother. He kissed her all of the time! She was so cute with those curls and dimples. We were on top of the world. We thought our family was complete-boy, girl, dog, cat. But once again, God had a different plan. We went to the World’s Fair in Knoxville, Tennessee one summer. I was miserable. I was so nauseas!! I tried so hard to have fun, but just could hardly hold my head up. Sure enough, I was pregnant again! What a surprise!!!! I found out I was expecting YOU! WOW! We were very excited! By this time, we had found out that we really liked being parents. I knew I loved babies and children and wanted a houseful! You were late and I tried everything I could to get you to come. You were 2 ½ weeks late and Aunt Hazel called and said she was going to make you come. She had us come for lunch after church. She had dumplings, and I ate and ate. She then made me walk up and down the hill at her house. Sure enough, You came that next morning. I threw up and threw up dumplings. It was years before I could eat dumplings again. Dad visited the hospital chapel again and gave you back to Him! You were amazing! For some reason, you didn’t need sleep. You sang, danced, and ran all the time. You were swimming and diving before you were two. You kept me on my toes! Once again, I got that feeling and sure enough, I was expecting again! We knew that our family was going to be perfect! We really needed one more child to make things equal. I never rested! You, Matt, and Katie kept me so busy! I remember being so tired. Dad worked long, hard hours trying to provide for us. Matt ended up being your ‘little daddy’. He helped me so much by taking care of you. Katie talked all the time! When Will was born, ya’ll were so excited. Matt wanted a baby brother more than anything. He even threatened to run away if I had another girl! We gave Will back to God as soon as he was born also. Dad and I always have felt as if God gave us Will to help us get over the death of Grandaddy Bentley. Will is as much like him as anyone could possibly be.



Which one of us kids do you like the best? haha!

Every one of you are very special to us! I could never choose which one of you I love the most. You are all unique and have brought us such joy since the day you came into the world. Being a mother has been the greatest joy I’ve ever experienced.



What is something you would have done differently as a mom?

Of course there are many things I would change if I could. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. I certainly don’t think that I have been a perfect mother. I made MANY mistakes. One thing I know is that I have been so blessed to have been chosen to be ya’ll’s mother! I think that is the thing we need to always need to remember. God chose to make us a family! We have worked hard to do what we thought was right at the time. We devoted our lives to you four children. There is nothing that we wouldn’t do for you. We had a wonderful life!!!


Do you think it's easier or harder to be a mother now than when you were raising our family?

I think the job of motherhood has never been easy for any generation. I think that it was a more honored position in my day than some think it is today. I think it is extremely important for mothers to be at home with children. I feel so blessed to have had a husband who agreed with me and was willing to do whatever it took to assure that I was able to stay home those seventeen years with ya’ll. He was around so much of that time also. It saddens me that this generation has made ‘things’ their gods and don’t recognize that ‘things’ are not what matters. I see the results of working moms and busy dads on a daily basis. I can easily distinguish which of my students have parents that are interested in their children more than they are in themselves. Children would be happier with time spent with them than money spent on them.


In what ways do you think that I am like you? And not like you?

Not only do you look like me, but you love children, love to decorate, love pretty things, and love to help others. I know you probably don’t want to think that, but I do see so much of me in you. I also see you as a beautiful, independent woman. I see that your confidence is growing with each year. It makes me proud to watch you mature! I can hardly wait to see you get married and have a family of your own! I love hearing stories of the things that you and Kevin do with his nieces and nephew! I see so much of me in you!



Is there anything that you wish had been different between us? or that you would still like to change?
If I could change anything about my life, it would have been to take better care of myself. I was a wonderful mother for y'all as babies and children. I spent every waking hour with ya’ll and did all I knew to assure that you would grow to be wonderful adults. It was not an easy time, but I loved every second of it. Unfortunately, I had a difficult time which occured when ya’ll were teenagers. Having teenagers is hard on any parent, but not being well makes it doubly hard. I am so sorry that I didn’t recognize that chemically my body was out of wack until I totally fell apart. My depression is something that hurts me to even think about. I’m so sorry that ya’ll had to go through that horrible time with me. It certainly wasn’t something that I chose to happen. I am especially sorry for the way it affected each of you. Poor Will doesn’t have many happy times to remember. I was sick for so much of his young life. Unfortunately, we dwell on the negative in our lives. I have really been praying lately that you all can forgive me for those years. So much hurt and anger occurred on everyone’s part that we have to put it aside and move on as adults. What is so sad about depression is that it is an illness just as cancer and other things are. Families deal better with a family member suffering from cancer than they do depression. In reality, we all need to support one another no matter what problems exist.



What is the best thing I can do for you now?
I am very proud of you and your brothers and sister! I am proud that you love one another! I am proud that you love your dad and me. I am proud that you are all working and doing well. I am proud that you treat others with dignity and respect. More than anything in this world, I want each of you to have a more personal relationship with Christ. I know that you all have accepted Christ as your savior. I know that you have been brought up in a Christian home. I cannot stand the thought of spending eternity without all of you being in heaven with me. I just have to know for sure that you all will be with dad and me! You asked---that is what is THE best thing you can do for me right now!




I didn’t mean for this to be so long! Thank you for allowing me to look inside of myself. Being your mother has been one of the greatest joys ever bestowed on me! I love you! Momma