I wrote this 2 Septembers ago. I went back to read it and to give me a little more strength.
Change: (v) To undergo transformation or transition.
In the past I have told myself that I wasn't scared of change.
I have lived in Georgia, Louisiana, Missouri, Indiana, and now Florida all in the past 5 years. Those were fun changes but not always easy. I got to get to know different cities and travel and see what they all had to offer me. I grew everytime I was in those places and sometimes they took a little bit of my soul but I would soon regain it by digging deep to find myself again. A little of me is in all of those cities. They created the person I am today. With every packing of my boxes and the long drives home, I always knew that that change at that moment was what I needed. I was always nervous about what I was leaving behind but I always knew it would work itself out. I would look forward to what the future had in store for me.
In my life right now I am going through a change. It's definately not an easy change. It's definately not a change I was expecting. It's definately not a change that I wanted.
So how do I prepare myself for this change???
I know what I am suppose to do.... let go!
I just can't grab a hold that it actually happened.
This change involves a broken heart.
To have a loving heart and then to all of a sudden be jolted with a broken heart, well.... how do you deal with that?
I never felt like anyone truely had BROKEN my heart.
But I now know that feeling. It's that feeling you get at the bottom of your stomach and it ache's and at the same time you feel like you have a huge lump in your throat. It's also that feeling that your heart is truely broken and will never be repaired. And that is a feeling that has changed me indefinately.
But the more and more I think about it, life is all about changes. The season's change, your moods change, jobs change, people change.... so what's one more change in my life? I can deal with a broken heart and I will. It surely won't be my last broken heart or my last change....But I know that I have to grow from it and learn. And whether I like this change or not.... IT MAKES ME STRONGER! And for that I am greatful!
3 comments:
you will be fine beaner! you have a strong last name and we always fight, persevere, and make ourselves better no matter what we go through! i love ya!!
God never gives us more than we can handle. He knows that you are strong enough to take this change and make it something postive in your life. Keep your head and I know you will do great things!
That's crazy that you wrote that 2 years ago and it's so relievant still today. Made me cry, but I know that you will get through it and whatever changes you decide to make from now on will be the right ones. Love you sis!
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